Kitties in the House
by Atsuhita
Summary: Pure silliness and loads of kawaiiness ensue...WeiB and Schwartz are kittens in control!


Kitties in the House - by Atsuhita

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I did another humor fic. When one has lots of Sobe, one gets creative. ^w^ I went through four bottles of this stuff while coming up with this story...hee hee hee...ahem...anyways, this one doesn't have yaoi or that stuff in it, it's just good clean humor (except for a few parts). You'll find out why this story is PG-13 when you're through.

NOTES: OOC characters (expect it - also written as if Weiss and Schwartz joined together), loads of WaFF-y stuff, (a few) adult situations. 

Some words in '…' are what I call 'kitten-talk', seeing as how kittens are the equivalent for cats to a young child. So just associate them to the obvious. My friend thought it'd be funny. *pat-pats her* Also, /…/ is Schu talking to people telepathically (which pretty much every Weiss fan who's read a fic with Schu in it knows already). 

Enjoy! Please REVIEW! Please!

Visit my website: http://www.firecrackersweet.com

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KITTIES IN THE HOUSE

***

            "What are you doing, Farfarello?" Brad-kitty scowled at the white-haired kitten with his bright blue eyes.

            "Chewing on some leaves." Farfie-kitty said with his mouth full.

            "We're not allowed to chew on the plants."

            "But it hurts the master..." he continued.

            "Ugh..." Brad decided he would go see what his other brothers were doing.

            He trotted across the hallway and into the bathroom, where their basket was. Their mother Birman-cat was not there; she was gone, probably hunting the mice that were in the house.

            "Schu! Let's go see the Weiss kittens." Brad walked over to their food dishes, and saw the orange cat leaning over the large water dish and lapping up the cool liquid. "If we hurry we'll get back before Mother does."

            "Why?"

            "Because I'm bored! I have an hour to kill!"

            "Brad, you're only a kitten and you've got a schedule. You're pathetic."

            "No! I'm advanced. I bet my bloodline will be the first to evolve."

            "Right...I don't even know what you're talking about." He got down from leaning over the oversized bowl and stood alongside of Brad.

            "Where's Nagi?"

            Schu looked over at the basket, and saw a little brown-haired tail peeking from under the sheets in their basket. He also noticed their jingly ball floating in mid-air.

            "He's dreaming again."

            "Ugh..." They pawed the door open, and Nagi-kitty mewed.

            "Hey! I wanna come too!" The youngest kitten chased after them, wide-eyed.

            The ball fell and jingled, causing Farfie to go nuts and run into the bathroom to chase it.

            "MINE!" The one-eyed kitty dove into the room, sliding across the floor and pawing the ball.

            "Where're we going, Braddy?" Nagi asked, tail flipping with excitement.

            "Don't call me 'Braddy'!" Brad groaned. "Call me 'Brad' or just 'Crawford'..." The black kitten muttered.

            "We're gonna go see what the Weiss kittens are doing."

            "Ooo! I wanna go see Omi-kitty!" Nagi got even more excited and started to purr.

---

            Manx-cat's eyes opened when she heard little cries near her.

            "Mommy! I'm hungry!" Omi-kitty put his paw on his mother's arm, giving her a look of helplessness.

            "I am too!" Ken-kitty whined.

            "Okay..."

            Manx then focused her view on Yoji-kitty, who was batting at Aya-kitty's tail.

            "Yoji, time for your milk. Stop bugging your little brother."

            Yoji scowled, then walked in between Omi and Ken, his little chestnut-colored tail curling behind him.

            "Ran..." Manx nudged the red-haired cat with her paw. "Wake up."

            Aya blinked his eyes open, stretched, and then went to get his milk. "My name is Aya! Not Ran!"

            "Whatever..." Manx muttered.

            Soon all four kittens were full, and then scampered out of their basket, looking to play.

            "But before you go...keep an eye out for that mouse. If you kill it your grandpa will be happy."

            "Grandpa Persia always wants us to kill mice. I don't wanna hunt!" Omi whined.

            "'Deny those dark rats their tomorrows!'" Yoji mocked.

            "You should respect your grandpa." Manx scowled.

            "Come on! I wanna go find the jingly ball!" Ken ran out first.

            "Me too!!!! We can play with Nagi-kitty!"

            "I'm gonna....uh....do something." Yoji wandered out, clueless as to how to spend the day. He'd already solved the mystery of the clothes hamper and the refrigerator; what other thing could he do detective work on? "I need a new 'misery'...hmmm....I know!" He scampered faster.

            "I'm gonna go find that rat and complete the 'missin'...but first I'm gonna visit Aya-chan." Aya said softly as he cleaned between his claws.

---

            The Schwartz kittens (sans Farf) scurried down the hallway, headed for the laundry room. Nagi was running ahead, meowing in a set rhythm.

            "What are you doing Nagi?"

            "Singing the Happy Kitty Song!"

            Schu stifled laughs, but Brad grimaced. "I thought he was the depressed one."

            All of a sudden....

            "MEOW!!!!"

            "MEW!!!"

            Omi and Nagi collided, and their jingly ball rolled away.

            "The ball!" Ken chased after it, and Omi and Nagi got up and touched noses, sniffing each other.

            "Nagi!"

            "Omi!"

            "OKAY!" Brad meowed loudly. "We found one kitten."

            "Ken too!"

            "Ken and I are gonna play with the jingly ball. He saw this game called...sa...sa....sa...'sacker' on the humans' TV and he wants to teach it to me! He can show you too!"

            "Yay! I'm gonna go play 'sacker' with them, Braddy!"

            "DON'T CALL ME-"

            "Okay!" Schu pushed brad back with his paw. "We'll see ya later!" Schu grinned a toothy smile as the youngest kittens ran off to find Ken. "I think I'll let you be and go see what Farf's doin'..." Schu started off, but Brad pounced on his tail and stopped the orange kitten from going.

            "NO! We still have to find the other kittens!"

            "Why?! There's no point!"

            "I'm on a schedule!"

            "Forget your stupid schedule!"

            Brad mewed sadly. "It is not stupid!" His blue eyes became glassy.

            "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Don't get gunky-eyed on me."

            Brad blinked, and smiled. "So you'll help me find the kittens?!"

            "Yeah yeah..." Schu grimaced.

            "Good! Let's go!"

            "Ugh..." Schu lightly padded behind the faster moving kitten.

---

            "Oh Aya-chan, I wish you'd wake up." Aya hovered over the kitten in her private basket on the other side of the laundry room. "I miss you."

            "Ran..." Manx scowled. "She's just sleeping. She's a lazy cat."     

            "But-"

            "Give it a rest Ran, she's not in a coma or something. She's just a lazy bum!" Manx said loudly.

            "Uhn..." The little dark grey kitten moved, startling Aya. "Hello..." she said sleepily.

            "Aya-chan!" Aya danced around, then fell flat on his face when he crossed his paws. "You woke up!"

            "Yeah....I was just taking a cat nap..." She stretched again. "That's all." She yawned, and then went back to sleep again.

            "Uh...okay..." Aya ran off, ready to take on the 'missin' Persia had given them.

---

            "Come on! Open the door! Open the door!" Yoji mewed at the humans as they passed. He was sitting near the passage to the basement, and the dark void intrigued him; he wanted to go down and play there. A woman opened the door finally, and Yoji took advantage.

            "Yoji! Baby kittens can't go in the basement!" The human leaned over and grabbed him, pulling him up into the air. "You gotta stay up here with your mother."

            "No!" Yoji licked the woman's wrist, trying to tickle her so she'd drop him down.

            "Aww...are you giving me kisses?"

            "Yes! I'm the ladies' kitty! Now! Let me in the dark place! I wanna solve its 'miseries'!" He tried to wriggle free. The woman, still holding Yoji, went down the first step. Yoji was excited! She was going to make an exception! He knew it! But that idea quickly proved false when she shut the door almost all the way, pushed Yoji through the opening, then shut it. Yoji peeked under the crack, mewing at the girl.

            "I'll be back up later Yoji! I gotta do some aerobics!"

            "'Robix?'" Yoji cocked his head, looking confused. "What is 'robix'?....is it a criminal?...or maybe a treat....maybe mom knows! She knows all about everything in the whole wide world!" He ran off, looking for the large red-haired cat.

---

            Aya sniffed the air and twitched his ears, picking up a soft noise. "Somethin's is around the corner..."

            On the other side of the wall, Brad and Schu padded across the wood-tile floor.

            "Come on Brad! We can't find them! I wanna go play with Farfie!" Schu whined, walking alongside the slightly older kitten.

            Aya pounced around the corner. "MOUSIE!!!! SHI-NE!!!!" Aya unleashed his claws and tackled Schuldich.

            "Oww! Owww! Owww!!! Meeeeeeeeoooowwwww!!!!!" Schuldich tried to protect himself. Eventually Aya stopped, and eyed the slightly beaten kitten.

            "Oops, I thought you were the mouse." Aya mewed, embarrassed.

            "You scratched me!" Schu whimpered, hiding behind Brad.

            "What mouse?"

            /Yeah! What mouse?!/ Schu used his telepathic powers.

            "Get outta my head!" Aya hissed.

            "Oooo!" Schu grinned. "He's on a 'missin'!"

            "It's 'mission', Schuldich." Brad corrected.

            "Yeah! I'm gonna go kill that mouse for grandpa."

            "Can we come?! I'll predict his every move!" Brad asked, tail finally shaking with excitement.

            "No! I can do it by myself!" he hissed again.

            "But can I at least follow you? Please Aya?!"

            "NO!! Go away!" Aya trotted off, all by himself.

            "It's not fair!"

            "What happened to our 'missin'?! You know, finding all the kittens?" Schu asked.

            "Oh yeah, maybe that lanky kitten is around. And it's 'mission'! Say 'mission!'" Brad commanded, slightly annoyed.

            "'Missin.'"

            "You're hopeless."

            "No, I'm a kitty..."

---

            "Seventy-thirty to four and a half!!!!" Ken whapped the jingly ball back onto the Twister mat, and Omi and Nagi tussled and fought for the ball.

            "Hey! You touched the ball with your forepaw! Do another throw-in, Ken!" Nagi whined.

            "I did not! I wanna penalty kick! Please Ken?!"

            "Uh...." Ken was confused, what would that human referee do in this situation.

            Just then, Farfarello pranced by, holding the shoelace from someone's work boots.

            "Hey Farfarello!" Ken called.

            "Waft?!" He said, mouth full.

            "Have you played 'sacker' before?"

            "Uhn-uhn..." He shook his head and spat the shoelace out. "I played 'pokey' before. Brad said I couldn't play strip 'pokey' because I can't take my fur off, even though I had the master's razor."

            Ken blinked, then shook it off. "Well, do you wanna play 'sacker'?"

            "Is it like 'pokey', with the cards?"

            "There's red cards and yellow cards." Ken said.

            "I gotta yellow one!" Omi said triumphantly.

            "That's bad, Omi-kitty!" Nagi laughed.

            "The cards are bad?" Farfarello blinked.

            "Yeah." Ken nodded.

            "Bad things...are good..." he thought.

            "So will you play?"

            "Yeah." Farf nodded, pulling his string to the 'sideline'.

            "Isn't that from the man's boot?"

            "Yep...it hurts the master when I pull the laces out."

            "Oh."

            "Deal me in." Farfarello stood on a red spot on the Twister mat.

            "What?"

            "That's what you say when you want to play 'pokey'."

            "Cool!"

            "Okay! Penalty kick!" Omi called.

            "NO! Throw-in!" Nagi argued.

            "Let's just start over since Farfie's playing now."

            "Okay..." The youngest said in unison.

            "I want a red card." Farf thought to himself.

---

            "Dum dee dum dum dum...gettin' cheese! Gettin' cheese...dum dee dum dum dum..."

            "There he is..." Aya spotted the grey mouse carrying a piece of Swiss cheese into the living room, where the 'sacker' game was being played.

            "Oooo! A sportin' event among the youngin's! Looks like soccer combined with Twister. Creative, those kittens don't look as stupid as I thought! Ha ha!"

            "'Stupid'?! He called my brothers a bad word!" Aya thought. "I gotta kill him now!"

            The red-haired kitten ran at the mouse, which turned and squeaked as Aya caught him between his paws.

            "Now you're mine!" Aya grinned a toothy smile.

            "Aya-kitty! What a pleasant surprise! What can I do for you?" The mouse tried to hide his fear.

            "You called my brothers the 's' word!" Aya scowled.

            "Stupid? No, I didn't call them that, I said that they were smart! That's a good 's' word!"

            "NO! Liar!" Aya showed his teeth.

            "PLEASE! Aya! Don't kill me! I got a family!"

            "That I'm gonna kill..." Aya held his paw up and extracted his little needle-like claws.

---

            Brad and Schu found Yoji pawing the door, mewing at it.

            "Master! Please open the door! Please?!"

            "What are you doing Yoji-kitty?" Brad asked.

            "I wanna go solve the 'miseries' in the basement, but the master won't open the door!"

            "I'm sorry, Yoji." Schu frowned. "Wanna come play with me and Farfie?"

            "NO!" Brad meowed. "We're gonna get you in that basement, Yoji!"

            "Really?!" The kitten's green eyes sparkled with hope. "Great!"

            "But we're gonna need some help. Schu, go get Farfie."

            "Okay!" The orange kitten ran off.

---

            "One-hundred to Infinity! We're winning, Farfie!" Nagi cheered.

            "I want a red card." He said.

            "You have to get a yellow one before you can get a red one." Nagi explained.

            "Hey Ken!" Farf called.

            "Huh?"

            "Can I have Omi's yellow card?"

            "I don't know...I don't see why not."

            "Here Farfarello!" Omi exchanged the yellow shred of paper with the one-eyed kitten.

            "Great! Now I can get a red card!"

            "Hey! Farfiiiiieeeeee...." Schu called.

            "What?"

            "Come help me."

            "No, I'm playin' 'sacker' right now."

            "But we need your help! Actually, we could use all you guys!" Schu smiled.

            "For what?"

            "Just come with me! Please?!" The kitten pleaded.

            "Okay! We won though!" Nagi cheered.

            "No! We did!" Omi corrected.

            "What's bigger, infinity or one-hundred?"

            "Uh...I think one-hundred."

            "Oh, well then you won!" Nagi still celebrated his friend's 'win'.

---

            "Hurry Yoji!" Omi whined, feeling the weight of two kittens on top of him.

            "Almost got it!" Yoji pawed at the knob among a tower of six kittens.

            "This is killing my vertebrae!" Brad whined, acting as the foundation.

            "I don't get why you're all whining..." Farf commented, not feeling any strain.

            "You can do it, Yoji!" Schu said.

            Brad blinked, and saw two masses running towards them.

            "Uh-oh..." The black kitten muttered.

            "SHI-NE!!!!!" Aya swiped at the mouse, but missed and fell on his face, and slid towards the tower of kittens.

            "Aya!" Omi cried. "Stop!"

            "No!"

            "AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Aya bumped Brad, who lost his stability. A tower of kittens collapsed onto the floor, and they all mewed, lying on their backs.

            The basement door opened, and the woman saw all eight kittens lying on the floor crying in little pathetic mews.

            "What were you guys doing? Come on, get up! Get up!"

***

            "I SAID GET UP!!!" Manx and Birman scowled at the guys, who were lying all over the floor. Beer cans, wine bottles, and flavored water containers lined the coffee table, some were rolling on the floor. Animal Planet was showing on the television, and the Twister mat and Ken's bag of soccer balls from his team practice lay under the bodies and glass bottles. 

            "Come on! You gotta stop binge-drinking during the holidays!" Birman said, helping Nagi up.

            "If Omi and Nagi had any of this stuff those guys are in trouble..." Manx growled as she dragged the sleeping Omi onto the couch. The blond had his hands on a plush cat; Manx assumed from the old look it had that Omi'd had it for a long time, or he really beat on that thing and knocked the stuffing out of it recently.

            "Well, flavored water's not that bad...it just has a lot of herbal stuff in it." Birman tried to be optimistic as she put Nagi in the recliner and draped an afghan over him. The boy belched in Birman's face, and she smelled the aged grape juice on his breath. "I think they're in trouble."

            The older guys started talking in their sleep as the two girls went to work.

            Ken spoke first, still slightly hammered. "No Omi! Throw in! Throw in!" Manx held up his head and slid a pillow underneath the mess of brown hair, and Birman threw a sheet over him and Schuldich, who lay next to him.

            "Come on Farfie....I need you..." Schu swiped the air as Manx gave him his own pillow.

            "I'm gonna kill that mouse...one of these days...." Aya muttered.

            "I wonder if the mouse he's mumbling about is Takatori…" Birman commented as they made the red-head comfortable.

            "Let's play 'pokey', guys..." Farfie smiled in his sleep.

            "Straight jacket, now." Manx strapped the psychotic man and put him far away from the group.

            "Gotta....keep on schedule..." Brad turned and adjusted his head on his pillow; which was Yoji's stomach. Birman held up Yoji's head and rolled the black-haired man over closer to Aya.

            "Come on...the basement door is open..." Yoji said unenthusiastically as Manx spread the last blanket over the tall skinny playboy.

            "They're cuckoo..." The girls shook their heads, eyeing the 'slumber party' before them.

            "No more beer runs...NO MORE...I'm not their mother, I don't put them to bed."

            "Damn straight." Manx nodded. "Maybe even the caffeine should go..."

The End


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